tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3218405749478928955.post8172114765507073448..comments2011-01-31T09:43:11.348-08:00Comments on Blue Hair and Dentures: Where are we all going?Desireehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10573383803895650295noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3218405749478928955.post-26708145036082542762010-08-29T22:04:24.342-07:002010-08-29T22:04:24.342-07:00Leighann, in a society that values independence, p...Leighann, in a society that values independence, production, and success as some very core values, growing old is a devastating part of life for everyone. It demands change, but change that we ALL avoid! Then, one day, something happens (med overdosing is not an uncommon way to go) which forces that change. But, nanny differs from many seniors out there; she is fortunate to have a supportive family willing and able to help. In situations like this I often tell my clients "wow, you're family loves you VERY much!" Although nanny would prefer to remain in her own home (who wouldn't) she isn't all that bad off. Considering all of the options, she's got one of the best. I wish your dad and Nanny all the best.Desireehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10573383803895650295noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3218405749478928955.post-43086487860099185872010-08-26T09:56:35.883-07:002010-08-26T09:56:35.883-07:00Dez, this is so close to home for me this week! My...Dez, this is so close to home for me this week! My dad's mom is 94, she is in good health and still has a very good mental state. She is as sharp as a thumb nail. Her problem is that with no one living with her to help her remember what meds she has and hasn't taken she has been over dosing herself and falling from the dopiness. Two weeks ago we moved her to live with my dad, step-mom, and high school daughter (Hard transition for everyone, including Nanny). She just wants her own independence and freedom. "I am not a child," is her favorite sentence. Last week, there was small scare and she had to be taken to the hospital. The doctor informed my 6 ft 2 dad that the medicine that she is prescribed would knock my dad out for days if he took it. This led my dad to make the decision that this move is a permanent one for her. He had to sit down with her and tell her that she would not be going home. This past Sunday we went to her house that she has lived in since before the depression and gathered some of her belongings, cleaned out all of the perishable items, turned everything off, and locked up the doors. It was very emotional and hard to see and do. She won't be going to a nursing home or any home but my dad's for that matter. When she is a little more OK with this new chapter of her life, we will take her back to the house to go through things. Thanks for the post it makes everything that we are going through seem more like we aren't the only people.LeighAnn Kneehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09335236035577088417noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3218405749478928955.post-69643269469656113462010-08-22T19:47:44.682-07:002010-08-22T19:47:44.682-07:00Kelly, you are absolutely right... we ARE living t...Kelly, you are absolutely right... we ARE living too long! <br /><br />To that point, you may find this article interesting. It's lengthy, but totally worth the read:<br /><br />http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2010/08/02/100802fa_fact_gawandeDesireehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10573383803895650295noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3218405749478928955.post-26442524756073322662010-08-22T15:18:01.531-07:002010-08-22T15:18:01.531-07:00For us, it was solely #2, even though #3 was true ...For us, it was solely #2, even though #3 was true in part. my grandmother can't be alone all day, can't remember to eat, brush teeth, drink water or milk, let alone take her own medicine. she doesn't know if it's night or day, are you coming home in an hour or a week. she also can't remember what you said to her two sentences ago, so being with her 24 hours a day would put anyone in a nursing home themselves. she also demands her own independence, and gets a bit nasty if any of us try to remind her to take her meds etc. however she's quite responsive to the staff at her assisted living facility, even though she accuses them of stealing things.<br /><br />What you've said is fair considering the point you are making, it IS sad that people stick their family members in nursing homes because it is merely convenient, but they certainly can't be "3rd world" standards (running water, hello!). <br />There is also something to be said for the dignity of the elderly, not wanting to be reduced to a second childhood in front of their own child (diapers changed, etc) and this puts so much strain on a relationship...sigh. i could go on... i guess i am just trying to argue that what seems "right" might not always be "best," for the grandparent, or the children. <br /><br />Here's my point: there is room to argue that the way we care for peoples' health (and what we consider to be health) needs to change, as this generation is "living" well past what their minds and bodies (and families) can handle. i think this is in fact the quintessential issue with aging: we're not prepared to be this old!!! (the word prepared is key here)<br /><br />How you plan for your care as you age is a huge part of how you manage your health and well being. The fact is, it's just another thing we are forgetting when we provide health care. <br /><br />There might not be anything we can do about the current generation going through this, but we certainly can begin planning with our own parents, and for ourselves as well, as I feel it horribly unfair to place this burden solely on the child, when it was the adult freely making choices for most of their lives regarding their health and lifestyle.<br /><br />Good luck in your work, I admire what you do, and have considered it myself, were it not for the education required. Try to stay positive, avoid blame, just love and offer joy, as you recommend. :)<br /><br /><3<br />kelly<br /><br /><br />ps i'd be interested to see the statistics on aging and care for the elderly in other cultures, as the pain of taking insults, changing diapers, and forcing meds into your darling loved one's mouth i'm sure crosses many cultural lines.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3218405749478928955.post-36851705409619428212010-08-22T14:25:10.748-07:002010-08-22T14:25:10.748-07:00Preach on, Desiree! It is such a sad thing to see ...Preach on, Desiree! It is such a sad thing to see family members placing their loved ones in nursing homes because it's convenient. I understand that it's a "burden" to have them, but family is family. Would it be as socially acceptable to place a child in a children's home because raising them coincided with ones work schedule and it was too expensive to have them at home?<br />I always joke with my mom to enjoy having me live on my own because once she gets old she's gonna have to live with me and cook for me and raise my children (which I guess is not really me taking care of her, but she knows I'm kidding).mariahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06311099990382284384noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3218405749478928955.post-28963386607186440152010-08-22T13:57:05.789-07:002010-08-22T13:57:05.789-07:00I apologize for the length of this post... I feel ...I apologize for the length of this post... I feel this is the quintessential issue with aging, and thus I was unable to shut up sooner. I promise the future posts will not be as lengthy, and I do appreciate you reading despite the fact.Desireehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10573383803895650295noreply@blogger.com